Fan Mail… or not?

 

E-Mail: Dear Caleb,

What is the deal? You starting this blog and actually seemed to have some funny things to write about. I’ll admit I was dying laughing when I first discovered this blog, but out of no where you disappeared. After that you write an apology letter stating you’d be blogging more often… well… I think you have failed miserably at this. So why is that? As a dedicated reader I believe I deserve an answer. Was it carpel tunnel from masturbating because you sure haven’t written anything? How about you do us readers a favor and remove you awesome head from your awesome ass then get typing away.

P.S. you have one week before I never check this site again.

Holy Chuck Norris this chick has some major fatal attraction issues. I’m honestly going to check my house for cameras and install new locks as soon as I finish this post. You know what on second thought that may be too late; I’ll finish this when I get back from home depot… Ok new locks installed, no cameras found and now on to what this lady deserves. She stated she deserved an answer to why I haven’t been posting well the answer is simply. I… Have …. A … Life! Now this takes me to a whole different subject some chicks just have it coming but it takes a certain caliber of man to kick a broad in the vagina.

You might laugh, but I want you to think real hard about that statement. Could you do it? Do you find yourself capable of looking a member of the less-than-fairer sex into her baby blue eyes, past those batting eyelashes, aiming just below the c-section scar, and really landing that cunt punt like it’s the last twenty seconds of the Superbowl and you’re one field goal down? Because try as you might, nine out of ten men are going to back down. Maybe it’s some kind of a moral conflict. From the time so many of us are young, we’re taught that violence towards women is a concept to be shunned. Men are supposed to be providers… we give the babies, we do not take them away. And let’s face it; a solid soccer kick to the vajayjay is not exactly mama’s first lesson in chivalry. Me? I can look past all that moral grey area. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the first to pull out a chair for a lady in a fancy restaurant, or hand her my jacket in the rain, but I’m not to deny a woman her equal right to have acting out of control put into check.

That’s what they want, isn’t it?

It’s all I’ve been hearing for years. Women want equal pay for equal work. Long gone are the days of the faithful housewife, sitting comfortably in the abode you have so lovingly provided her with, taking care of the seed of your loins and helping them grow into upstanding human beings. Gone are the days of a hot meal on the stove and a clean kitchen when you arrive home from a sweaty, self-destructing day in the workplace. The men of today are expected to do their own laundry, cook their own meals, and even share in the housework. And why? Because women have invaded what was left of the male domain. Women in the workplace. Women in the military. And now, women have attempted to invade and take control of my blog. They have stopped ironing and started pumping iron, cast aside their spatulas and traded them in for spandex. I for one cannot hate them this. I’m not some woman hater with a master plan to rid the world of female ‘athletes’. I’m not some sexist pig with an agenda. In fact, I completely and totally support this feminist crusade that the female species has taken upon their shoulders. I applaud their strength in the face of a thousand jeering men who don’t want to see them succeed. But women of the world who step on my toes and called me out making demands? Do not for one second think that I’m going take it silently.

Why would I? If you want to be my equal, you’re going to have to make good on the claim. Learn to set your VCRs. Kill a spider without calling me into the room like a foot soldier with a broom. And most of all, you’re going to sit back and wait for me to feel like writing or hell write something funny yourself! Or maybe she’ll just be another broad with a footprint on her snatch. Either way, I go home happy.

I hope this explains why I have been very light on the content to this blog as of late and I hope it shows why you never call me out! Enjoy tell you future goblin look a like children that you were once the victim of a Cabel Jones blog.

(Cunt Punting a female is just wrong, it was a joke if you’re offended… well too bad.)

~ by Caleb Jones on September 15, 2010.